The Narcissistic Chameleon | Part 2

It may be surprising, but it’s hard to recognize a narcissistic person in everyday life—even if we theoretically know all the signs. Why is that? Keep reading, and you’ll soon find out!

Apart from the reasons I’ve mentioned in my previous blog (you can find that article on narcissism here), there’s another factor that makes recognising a narcissist especially difficult: they’re like hidden chameleons. Just as a chameleon takes on the shades of its surroundings, a narcissist can also adapt to the behaviour expected of them by the people around them.

I call this process chameleonization — my own term for when narcissists shift and reshape themselves to fit their environment. We know that chameleons take on the “colours” of whatever surrounds them. It’s similar with a narcissist, who blends into another person’s style, values, and emotional landscape. This adaptation can go extremely far and can require such intense effort and energy that, to an outsider, it feels almost unimaginable. That’s why so many people fall into the narcissist’s trap, mistakenly believing that the harmony they experience in the relationship — whether professional or romantic — is something rare, or even a “gift from the universe.”

However, while the chameleon does this for self-protection, the narcissist uses it for manipulation; they’re not driven by self-defense or inner motivation.

Chameleonization can be especially deceptive if the narcissistic person has a higher education, holds a higher position, or has significant life experience—in those cases, they know even better what behavior to “put on” in different situations, and what others expect from them.

Older research has already shown that a narcissist’s self-aspects are poorly integrated, meaning they’re constantly changing (Pincus & Lukowitsky, 2010). It has also been found that narcissists perform worse on self-concept clarity tests, which indicates that their identity is unstable.

Narcissism is always difficult to understand on a theoretical level. So let’s see how it manifests in everyday life! For example, a narcissist might appear charismatic in one situation, and then, within minutes, become extremely angry in response to a minor event.

When it comes to love, it’s typical that the narcissistic chameleon shapes themselves to make the other person feel like they’ve found the one.

“I felt like this was it, the love of my life, because they liked the same things as me, thought the same way as I did—we were perfect together.”

This is the typical phrase a narcissist’s partner uses when describing the start of their relationship.

In reality, there’s no reason for joy—what’s happening is that the narcissist, true to their chameleon nature, is simply acting out the desired behavior. In fact, for a while, they can become the exact replica of the ideal. This process of chameleonization can go so deep that narcissists often completely take on the hobbies, tastes, habits, and even the favorite colors of the person they want to win over.

For example, if the narcissist’s partner’s favorite color is black, the narcissist’s life will turn black—black furniture, black clothes, a black (preferably impressive) car. But a few years later, when a new partner enters their life whose favorite color is white, their world turns white.

This type of adaptation isn’t genuine flexibility—the kind we’d appreciate in a healthy relationship—nor is it a sign of emotional closeness. It’s the repeated “rearrangement” of a fragile self-image.

Chameleonization may bring short-term success, but in the long run, it undermines trust and weakens the chance for true connection.

And yet—not every chameleon is dangerous. Once you recognize the pattern of the narcissistic chameleon, you’ll see them coming from a distance and know which direction to take to avoid them.

If you’d like to understand more deeply how narcissism appears in your own life—whether in relationships or at work—book an individual consultation in Budapest or online.

Or stay tuned for the next parts: soon, a comprehensive downloadable PDF collection about narcissism, with personal examples and insights, will be available.

And if you missed the first part, you can read it here!

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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical or psychological diagnosis or advice. If you experience any physical or mental health concerns, please seek support from a qualified professional.

© 2025 Antonia Bai Psychology. All texts and materials are the intellectual property of Antonia Bai. Copying, republishing, or using any part of these writings, images, or excerpts in any form is only permitted with the prior authorisation of the author.