11:11 – Maternal Freedom: When a Mother Finally Feels Ready to Set Off | Part 1.

After nine years of motherhood and eight years of co-sleeping, perhaps I have finally reached the point where my daughter is old enough for me to go away on a three-day trip, alone.

A friend recommended a ticket to the 2025 Lisbon AI Web Summit at a very good price, scheduled for November 11. Looking back, all I can say is: she was right.

Reports spoke of seventy thousand attendees and vast, flowing crowds. I hadn’t planned to travel at all, and yet the feeling was born within me: now is the time to go. Still, motherhood and a child’s attachment do not loosen their grip as easily as an event calls you forward.

When the Child Also Decides

So, just as in many Indigenous cultures, I had to let the child decide.

The eight-year-old. Together, we mapped out the journey in advance:

-“Mom, you can only go away for one day without me!”

-“My sweet girl, in one day I would barely arrive before I’d have to fly back, so I would definitely need to stay at least one night.”

We kept working through it, and soon the biggest issue became clear for her:

Sleep. More precisely, falling asleep.

The Dance of Holding On and Letting Go

Through our conversations, we practiced the art of holding on and letting go—this delicate dance between mother and daughter. For me, as a mother, the question was: how long do I keep pulling myself inward, and where is the point where I lose myself so much that it no longer serves our shared dance?

For her, as a child, the question was how she could let her mother go in a way that still kept her sensitive inner world in balance.

For two weeks, we waltzed through these thoughts, naming every emotion that surfaced.

-“What else is there, my little one?”

-“Fear and missing you, Mom.”

From fear to feelings of abandonment, from loneliness to thoughts of death, and all the way to the joy of reunion, we spoke about everything.

Maternal Freedom, with a Child’s Permission

In the end, a compromise was born: “Mom, you can go. Two nights, three days. Not an hour more.”

A dance where we both hold each other so that neither of us falls.

As a psychologist, and as a mother, I see again and again that maternal freedom is not a theory. It is a sensitive relationship between attachment and authenticity.

Maternal freedom, with a child’s permission.

And so, after nine years of motherhood, I set off on my first journey alone.

If you, too, are carrying the question of how to remain a mother while staying true to yourself, book a 1:1 session with me, and let’s work together on this delicate—yet deeply liberating—path.

This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical or psychological diagnosis or advice. If you experience any physical or mental health concerns, please seek support from a qualified professional.

© 2025 Antonia Bai Psychology. All texts and materials are the intellectual property of Antonia Bai. Copying, republishing, or using any part of these writings, images, or excerpts in any form is only permitted with the prior authorisation of the author.