The Mysteries of Narcissism: How to Recognize Narcissistic Individuals (part 1.)

Why Don’t I Notice It in Time? Three Hidden Obstacles to Recognising Narcissism

1. Why Is It So Complicated to Understand Narcissism?

Most books about narcissism move between two extremes:

• they are either academic texts in which it’s easy to get lost,

• or novel-like stories that are entertaining but offer little guidance for navigating life with a narcissistic person.

The traits of a narcissistic person only become truly understandable through conscious analysis and real-life examples — this is the only way we can fully grasp the complexity of narcissism.

In my thematic blog writings, my goal is to provide a reliable picture of narcissism — while presenting concrete examples. Here is a small taste of how this shows up in everyday life:

-The Aunt’s Mountains of Gifts – when the Master of Gifts goes overboard.

-Chameleonisation – my own term describing when a narcissistic person adopts another person’s habits.

-Manipulation – when a partner avoids a meeting (for example, a business meeting) by inventing dramatic stories.

All three examples above are based on real events. What they have in common is that what seems like kind care is, in fact, manipulation and the narcissistic person's desire for total control.

And these are just a few examples — in the following chapters, I will reveal in detail how all these work up close!

2. What Psychology Hardly Spoke About in the Past

Recognizing narcissism is difficult partly because we have learned little about it. Until recent years, it simply wasn’t present in public awareness the way other personality traits were. So in order to recognise it in others, we need to understand what this term really refers to.

Narcissism is a personality trait, just like introversion or extraversion, and it can similarly be measured on a scale. However, while the introversion–extraversion scale is healthy at both ends, the narcissism spectrum stretches from healthy to clearly pathological. Healthy narcissism includes qualities such as genuine self-confidence, stable self-esteem, and a balanced ego; whereas pathological narcissism is marked by excessive rigidity, a constant need for recognition, and a deep lack of empathy. When these traits become extremely pronounced and cause significant suffering or functional impairment for the individual — for example, when they have a destructive effect on a person’s relationships, work, or studies — we speak of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the more severe form of narcissism.

During my BA in psychology in the 2010s, we studied many personality traits in depth — where they come from, how they develop, and how they show up across cultures. Yet narcissism was almost never mentioned.

Perhaps that’s why awareness of narcissistic traits remains limited — particularly in my generation and among older adults who are now raising, or helping to raise, today’s children and teenagers.

3. When Narcissism Becomes a Trend — and the Real Nuances Get Lost

Over the past decade, however — partly due to the rise of social media — the topic of narcissism has slowly moved into the spotlight. During this time, a wave of books, podcasts, and videos emerged, helping the concept finally become more widely understood.

With this sudden rise in popularity, however, came a downside: the topic often began appearing in simplified or distorted ways. On social media, for instance, people frequently quote Carl Jung as saying, “Narcissists are children who never received love.” It sounds appealing, but Jung never actually wrote it. Why does this matter? Because in a world of quotes and catchy phrases — especially now that the topic is so widespread — the essential nuances are easy to lose. And when information spreads quickly online, misunderstandings can travel far, while genuine understanding can quietly slip into the background.

Understanding narcissism is more than knowledge — it’s the practice of noticing what was once hidden, so we can recognise it early and consciously step away from it.

Follow the blog and stay with me, because in the second part we’ll explore the narcissistic chameleon — and dive even deeper into this world together.

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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical or psychological diagnosis or advice. If you experience any physical or mental health concerns, please seek support from a qualified professional.

© 2025 Antonia Bai Psychology. All texts and materials are the intellectual property of Antonia Bai. Copying, republishing, or using any part of these writings, images, or excerpts in any form is only permitted with the prior authorisation of the author.