The Mysteries of Narcissism: How to Recognize Narcissistic Individuals (part 1.)

Why Don’t I Notice It in Time? Three Hidden Obstacles to Recognising Narcissism

1. Why Is It So Complicated to Understand Narcissism?

Most books about narcissism move between two extremes:

• they are either academic texts in which it’s easy to get lost,

• or novel-like stories that are entertaining but offer little guidance for navigating life with a narcissistic person.

The traits of a narcissistic person only become truly understandable through conscious analysis, concrete examples, and real-life situations — this is the only way we can fully grasp the complexity of narcissism. In my thematic blog writings, my goal is to provide a reliable picture of narcissism — while presenting real life examples. Here is a small taste of how this shows up in everyday life:

-The Aunt’s Mountains of Gifts – when the Master of Gifts goes overboard.

-Chameleonisation – my own term describing when a narcissistic person almost mirrors and adopts another person’s habits.

-Value-Based Manipulation – when a partner avoids a meeting (for example, a business meeting) by inventing dramatic stories.

All three stories above are based on real events. What they have in common is that what seems like kind care is, in fact, manipulation and the narcissistic person's desire for total control.

And these are just a few examples — in the following chapters, I will reveal in detail how all these work up close!

2. What Psychology Hardly Spoke About in the Past

Recognizing narcissism is difficult partly because we have learned little about it. Until recent years, it wasn’t part of public awareness in the same way as other personality traits. So before we can recognize it in others, we first need to understand what the term truly means.

Narcissism is a personality trait, just like introversion or extraversion, and it can similarly be measured on a scale. However, while both ends of the introversion–extraversion scale are considered healthy, the narcissism scale ranges from healthy to pathological.

Healthy narcissism includes qualities such as genuine self-confidence, stable self-esteem, and a balanced ego, whereas pathological narcissism is marked by excessive rigidity, a constant need for recognition, and a deep lack of empathy. When these traits become extremely pronounced and cause significant suffering or functional impairment for the individual — for example, when they have a destructive effect on a person’s relationships, work, or studies — we speak of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the more severe form of narcissism.

When I studied psychology in the 2010s, we analysed many other personality traits in depth at university — exploring their historical roots, development, and cultural characteristics. Narcissism, however, was barely mentioned.

Perhaps that’s why many people still know little about narcissistic traits today — especially in my generation and among older adults, the parents and grandparents raising today’s children.

3. When Narcissism Becomes a Trend — and the Real Nuances Get Lost

Over the past decade, however — partly thanks to social media — the topic of narcissism has gradually moved into the spotlight. This was the period when books, podcasts, and videos about narcissism began to appear in large numbers, making the concept finally more widely known.

With this sudden popularity, however, came the fact that the topic often appeared in simplified or distorted ways. On social media, for example, people often quote Carl Jung as saying, “Narcissists are children who never received love.” It sounds appealing, but Jung never actually wrote that. Why is it important to mention this? Because in the world of quotes and catchy phrases — now that the concept has become so topical — it’s easy to lose the essential nuances. Due to social media, misunderstandings can spread quickly, while genuine connections can easily fade into the background.

Understanding narcissism is more than knowledge — it’s the practice of becoming aware of what was once hidden, so we can recognise it early and consciously avoid it.

Follow the blog and stay with me, because in the second part, we’ll talk about the narcissistic chameleon — and dive even deeper into this world!

This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical or psychological diagnosis or advice. If you experience any physical or mental health concerns, please seek help from a qualified professional.