Psychological Flexibility: Why Should We Have to Choose
Updated: Sep 15
What does psychological flexibility really mean? Discover how embracing both softness and strength can help us adapt to different situations, set healthy boundaries, and become more flexible versions of ourselves.
At my last Feminine Compass event at Mindvalley, I shared an idea about psychological flexibility, a concept I often come back to in my work with clients.
When somebody at the event asked me how we could imagine this kind of flexibility, I said: imagine being like a rainbow. When you think about the person you want to become, imagine having a whole spectrum of colors within you, rather than just one color.
Sometimes we make the mistake of defining ourselves through one single quality. This is me. I’m like this. I’m like that. I am feminine. I have too much masculine energy. I’m strong. I’m weak.
Psychological flexibility means that instead of holding on to one version of ourselves, or identifying too strongly with any one version, we allow ourselves to move within a much wider spectrum.
The rainbow can be a helpful symbol for this: what if I could hold every shade of the rainbow within me?
There are moments when we need pale pink
This is a random example, but let pale pink represent softness, femininity, that almost ethereal, calming energy.
It’s the kind of pink that three- or four-year-old little girls love so much. At that age, many times everything simply has to be pink.
It’s a color that can softly change the whole feeling of a space, without ever taking it over.
In our relationships, pink is the one that quietly asks, “How are you? Can I get you a coffee?”
But as sweet and charming as baby pink may be, it can’t be the only color we have access to, because sometimes life asks us for red.
Psychological Flexibility Has More Than One Color
In contrast to pink, let’s say red is the color of action, setting boundaries, and protection.
If baby pink is dreamy and special, then red is the one that makes the call. Red makes a decision. Red leaves. Red says “I don’t want this.” Red protects.
Imagine that the same woman who gently asks, “Would you like a coffee?” suddenly finds herself facing a threat. This is not the moment when she needs more baby pink. This is the moment when she needs to call on the warrior within her, stand her ground, and say:
“Don’t you dare to hurt me.”
Pale pink and red.
Softness and action.
We Don’t Have to Choose Between Softness and Strength
Being psychologically flexible means expanding our spectrum of colors: being soft without becoming powerless; strong without losing our softness; sensitive without becoming defenseless; independent while still being able to receive.
So when you imagine the person you want to become, don’t choose just one color. Don’t be red or pink, blue or green. Instead, keep expanding your palette, adding more and more colors as you grow.
Let every color of the rainbow be available to you!
The person who offers you a coffee and the warrior who guards the door can be the very same person!
Antonia Bai is an interpersonal and intercultural psychologist who spent 10 years living in Asia and has been based in Hungary, Europe, for over a decade. In her work, she integrates Western psychology with Eastern perspectives and the wisdom of Indigenous cultures.
She primarily works with people navigating life transitions, relationship challenges, and times of crisis. The aim of her holistic approach is simple: to find clarity, even when everything feels complicated.
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This is a more intuitive writing, and it’s not necessarily connected to other systems of color.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical or psychological diagnosis or advice. If you experience any physical or mental health concerns, please seek support from a qualified professional. © 2026 Antonia Bai Psychology. All texts and materials are the intellectual property of Antonia Bai. Copying, republishing, or using any part of these writings, images, or excerpts in any form is only permitted with the prior authorisation of the author.
