Mental Flexibility: What My Daughter Taught Me About Splits
Updated: Sep 15
What is mental flexibility, and why can it become harder as we grow older? Discover how staying curious, considering new perspectives, and challenging familiar thinking patterns can help keep our minds flexible and adaptable.
The Bridge That Started It All
My daughter bends into a bridge, practises gymnastics, and moves with so much ease! Every now and then I catch myself saying, “You know, I used to be able to do that.”
After saying that a few times, I found myself wondering why I couldn’t do those things anymore. Why had my body become so much less flexible? And then another question quietly appeared:
Had my thinking become less flexible too?
When I was a child like her, I could do the splits, bend into a bridge, and stand back up without even thinking about it. My body was capable of almost unimaginable flexibility!
However, somewhere along the way, I lost those amazing abilities. The change happened so gradually that I barely noticed it.
I was thinking, what if our mind changes in much the same way? We rarely wake up one morning and realise we’ve become less open. We rarely do realize how we are less willing to see another perspective.
These type of changes happen little by little, until one day something, or someone, helps us notice.
Flexibility Beyond the Body
The more I reflected on this thought, the more I realised it touched something I often speak about in my work as a psychologist.
We usually associate flexibility with something physical: our bodies. Yet I often talk to clients about mental flexibility: our ability to step outside familiar patterns, consider new perspectives and respond to life’s challenges with greater openness.
It also made me wonder whether our minds, just like our bodies, also need regular stretching to stay flexible.
Children Don’t Mind Changing Their Minds
Children don’t seem to carry this resistance in quite the same way we adults do because they love to absorb the new. They’re more open to new information, new ideas and new ways of seeing the world, an openness we adults often find much harder as we tend to become more and more fixated in our ways of thinking.
One year my daughter is completely fascinated by ballet, the next year it’s gymnastics, later it’s contemporary dance. This year, it’s acting. She moves from one interest to another without worrying whether she’s being inconsistent.
What Happens to Mental Flexibility When We’re Tired?
I’ve noticed something else about children. Although children are generally much more flexible than adults, that mental flexibility often seems to disappear when they’re exhausted.
Think of a tired child who can’t find their favorite comfort toy, perhaps the teddy they always fall asleep with. In that moment, nothing else will do. No other teddy, no clever substitute, no alternative. Before you know it, the whole family is searching every corner of the house for that one precious teddy. Yet when well rested, the very same child might easily accept a different solution and peacefully fall asleep.
This example might remind us that thinking flexibly takes mental effort. When we’re exhausted, that effort becomes much harder, and we naturally fall back on familiar (or automatic) ways of thinking.
Perhaps mental flexibility is much like physical flexibility. Just as we need to keep stretching our bodies, we also need to keep stretching our minds. The more we practise considering different perspectives, staying curious and remaining open to new ideas, the more naturally mental flexibility becomes part of our nervous system.
The longer we’ve followed the same way of thinking, the easier that path becomes to follow.
Sometimes we don’t reject a new idea because it’s wrong. We reject it because changing the way we think requires effort. It’s often easier to stay with what’s familiar than to explore a different perspective!
Antonia Bai is an interpersonal and intercultural psychologist who spent 10 years living in Asia and has been based in Hungary, Europe, for over a decade. In her work, she integrates Western psychology with Eastern perspectives and the wisdom of Indigenous cultures.
She primarily works with people navigating life transitions, relationship challenges, and times of crisis. The aim of her holistic approach is simple: to find clarity, even when everything feels complicated.
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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical or psychological diagnosis or advice. If you experience any physical or mental health concerns, please seek support from a qualified professional. © 2026 Antonia Bai Psychology. All texts and materials are the intellectual property of Antonia Bai. Copying, republishing, or using any part of these writings, images, or excerpts in any form is only permitted with the prior authorisation of the author.
